Happy Sunday everyone. Raining and gloomy here in good ole Utah, but I am so grateful today. Last week was spring break so I am a week behind. Lucky for you that means you get to see two rounds of pics. I know settle down that’s exciting. No for real though I am excited to share a little thought with you today. If you don’t already know I am a Mormon. Shocker I know! Today I want you to know that I have had some major questions lately and a ton of faith builders. As you all know I have taken a month off from blogging. I decided to share my story of why today. It’s personal but I hope you can take something from it today:
March 14th 2014 I was talking to my BFF as I do every morning on the way to work downtown. We chat about the most boring busy mom things; work, neighborhood pals, hubby’s (they are best friends as well), our crazy cute 4 kids, and really everything else. She is my “person” as we call each other. We are a bit addicted to grey’s anatomy on ABC. If you are a fan you will know what I mean when I say “person”. It was a regular day when my bff kept getting buzzed as we were chatting, she said she would call me back. Two mins. later I said hello ready to finish my boring story as usual when I heard katie in a frantic cry saying “help me find bryan!! His friends say there were two bikers killed on redwood this morning!! Jen he won’t answer!” I told her with the greatest hope in my heart that there was no way that it was him and he was totally fine. I told her to calm down and relax and I would find him. I told her to sit down and I would call Ni, who was John Coons wife (Bryan and him ride together to work on their bikes. They were training for St. George Tour a Cycle race with my hubby.The three were set to go down together in April) As I tried to settle her down she kept crying and saying she didn’t have a good feeling. But I was sure… I told her to calm down and too give me two mins. I would find him. As I drove to work still on bangater I remember every detail. Where I was at. 90th by the hospital. I wasn’t sure what to do? I calmly had a feeling to call our other bffs in the neighborhood so someone could be with her until we located Bryan. I called and called and finally Lyndsay our neighbor and good friend ran up there. She said “Jen there is no way, Bryan is just fine but I will go up there. Keep going to work it’s fine, I will call you when I go home.” So feeling again confident that our buddy and amazing father Bryan and Jhon were ok I kept driving but I was not ok. I called and called John and then bryan begging as it rang to please pick up! My heart started to not feel as good. As I pulled into work and finally got a hold of John’s cute wife, her friend picked up and as she asked johns wife if she wanted to talk to me……. that is when I just knew. She calmly got on the phone and said “Jen get to katie now, the police are on their way to her home. John and Bryan were both killed by a truck this morning cycling to work.” I dropped my bag and my computer bag and just sob saying over and over “I am so sorry, I am so sorry, no…no….no!!! Never in my life have I lost someone who is in my everyday moments. Who loved to make everyone’s day better, who was my “person’s” bff her hubby, and I couldn’t think of anything but why? and why is this happening to her. I cried out loud in my office. Luckily it was so early in the morning, only my CEO and production manager were there. My CEO came in my office and told me to go to her. My “person” now!! I told him I didn’t know what I was going to do? She just lost her mom from cancer 3 years earlier and now her best friend, her love of her life, her husband. I wanted to take it all away from her. I wanted to patch it up like I do to my clothes when they rip. I wanted to take the pain for her some how but I couldn’t. All I knew is I needed to get to her asap. Cops were on their way and I needed to be there. I picked myself back up got in my car and drove as fast as I could. I just kept praying out loud in my car….”bryan help me help her, help me know what to do? Help me know what to say, help me know how to help her the best way I can, bryan please can you hear me? Just come back!! I don’t know what to do? She is the strong one! (She takes care of everyone including me) and please my heavenly father let me know how to help her.” So as I pulled in my street I wanted to jump out of my skin. I ran into her home and just wrapped my arms around her and didn’t leave her side. I still think I drive her nuts because I am there when I can be. I give her time, but instead of just needing to talk to her, I will go there and look around to see what I can do to help. If it’s just dishes that is what I will do. I know Bryan helped with dishes when I was over there sometimes so I thought even today when it has now been 5 weeks later and her home is not as crowed as it has been is really when I want to make sure to keep on letting her know how loved she is. I have never in my life seen a army of stronger women rally around someone like that before. Her family and friends at one point were like those fast moving people on a movie and I was the one standing there for about 2 mins in slow motion watching them all clean and put things together for her. It was unreal. That was the moment when I knew that anything is possible with a strong family and support system. For the past 5 weeks I wanted to cry almost each day. But I need to be strong for her and her cute kids, my hubby, and my kids who looked up to him a ton. He was Mr. Mom and picked up our kids at least 3 times or more from school. He was my older sons, young men’s leader in church. He has done everything for him, mostly when I was going through my divorce way back when. He helped my two older boys. I have read more than I have ever read in my life. Instead of getting mad (which I have a ton) I wanted to channel that energy in learning something bigger than my anger. I want to take this time to teach my children about death and enteral life and families. That there is heaven. That there is a purpose. I have never felt more closer to my heavenly father than I do today. I read about some new story or quote from the mormon channel, so it will help me grow my faith even more. Today I have never wanted to be a better mom, friend, and daughter than ever. The funerals were beautiful. Elder Franco spoke and said something I will never ever forget to katie and I hope you can love this as much as I do. “when you die you take back three things from this earth with you, 1. Character (which Bryan was the most giving, selfless, funny, vibrant, kind, serving, and unique person I have ever met so he’s got that one hands down) 2. Family relations (Bryan didn’t do anything for himself. He was riding that morning to work because that was the only time he could ride that wouldn’t interfere with his children’s busy schedules. He never missed games to ski, bike, or do anything for himself. He was a father, husband, brother, friend, and son first before anything for himself) 3. Ordinances ( Bryan was the coolest young men’s leader ever. Him and brother awesome AKA John Coons. He took everyone on his own boat, he took everyone hiking, and he did everything to live up to the promises he made on this earth)Basically I want to start patching up some of these areas and live more like that crazy Bryan Byrge. He loved life, and man did he live it. He loved adventure and I need to love it more. I want to work on getting my family together more. I want to attend the temple no matter what each month or each week if I can. I want to be kinder to everyone around me and bring more light than darkness. I know I have a long way to go but I need to get up and not fall down mostly when often I look at his home as I drive home ( they are my next door neighbors and have been for 12 years) and start to cry a little each time. Then I see Katie and her strong children enduring and being some of the most entertaining, loving, and giving bunch of peeps I have ever met. This is when I try to bring myself back to reality and live again and not be too sad. They are our family and always will be.
Thanks for listening and hearing my Sunday Thoughts. I have needed to share this for my own heart as well. Today give more than take and hug more than get annoyed. I love you Bryge family you are always my rock and I will never leave your side miss katie. Me and the girls already are going to start golfing so however long we are on this earth we are partying it up old lady style on the golf course. Golden Girls style.
Katie & Bryan’s Son Braxton turned 14 years old couple of weeks after he lost his dad. He wanted to feel of his dad so we drove down to St. George for spring break and went to the temple on his b day. What a strong young man like his father. Here are some Sunday Style pics for you, and they include all of us on that beautiful birthday morning.
My “Person” below: Cute katie Byrge and I at the St. George Temple
“The Band of Brothers”Left: Kade, Braxton (bday boy), Taylor(my son), Austin(My son), Davis
My Man in his Sunday Digs at the temple.
Thanks for listening to my story and hugs to all of you that took the time to read my blog.
The Week Before Last Sunday Style
DownEast Skirt and Top. Belt from Anthro. Bracelets from www.colorbyamber.com