Finding That Mother Daughter Shopping Harmony
As a stylist, I am lucky to work with a ton of youth groups. School and Church groups around Utah, and California. Most of my questions online as well come from young girls asking how they can find their own style and the biggest thing, how can they shop with their moms and not fight and help their moms see how they are and expect their expression through fashion? Then I also get questions from moms who ask me to help their daughters with their style all the time. I feel like this is a great show because I want to help both of you to find that harmony. Style is very interpretive, and it can be miss read and it can be judge so easily by many. So the missing puzzle piece I see a lot is communication and comprise on both parts. Hopefully I can give you some ideas today that will help your shopping trips become more about the experience then how is right or who is wrong. Here are a few different ideas and then we can have a follow up show with some real people and see if anything has worked. Grab a pen and paper and take some notes.
Concern: Modesty, So this is one of the biggest concerns I find with everyone not just religious people. But everyone who has a daughter and doesn’t want her belly showing or her bum cheeks! Or her chest being exposed. Doesn’t matter what belief you have in religion, this is just a broad concern from everyone. Plus this is one of the biggest complaint I find with daughters who say “I can’t buy anything with my mom, because she thinks it’s too sexy but it’s not!” So here is where you start, think outside the box. There are a ton of non religious and religious fashion modesty blogs. They give amazing tips and photos of ideas on how to take cute more sexy fashion and make it wearable with coverage ideas. This is great to show your mothers how to think outside the box and be able to give ideas to your youth as well. This can work hand and hand to make it more reasonable to buy something that usually caused a fight before on those shopping trips. So do some research before you shop. Find different ways to add cute style tips to dresses that might not cover so much so that your not just saying no, but your style the dress yourself through inspiration you got through style blogs or on TV style segments.
Like Taking this plain slip dress. Your daughter might pull it off the rack and you may think she is crazy. But if you are prepared with your research and remember to be open minded maybe instead of saying straight NO! You could offer her some advice like some of these options below:
To this slip dress we added both leggings and a jacket for extra coverage. So give her options instead of just counting out the slip dress all together. Help her think out of the box a bit and compromise.
Concern: Bad Taste/Personal Style: This is huge. Me being a mother myself I just went through this with my 5 year daughter for easter. I wanted her to have this cute big dress with color for Easter. Well of course guess what? She picked out a plain cream no color, no pattern, Easter dress. I kept pushing al these different colors but she kept saying no! I kept reminding her how much better color would be for Easter but no, and then she got mad at me and said,”MOM I SAID NO!” Remember she is five years old. So I finally gave up the fight and realized I need to let it go and even though I don’t like it she dose and it’s important for her to express who she is through all the years coming up. Now that being said of course if your daughter wants to look like a cheap Vegas girl you need to somehow make a different option for her. So this is what I have my youth groups do in my FINDING YOUR OWN STYLE speaking groups I do. I have my youth start making look books.. They are able to express themselves on a daily basis through art, fashion, and what ever inspires them through these books. At this point they get to know themselves better through these and the parents get to know their children better. They really do, this excersise works so well I have had parents and youth tell me they just love it because it’s like a silent way to communicate what they love and who they are, and together mother and daughter start understanding where each other are coming together. Start this and things will change dramatically on these shopping trips because it’s like a window is open and you can see.
Concern Store Fights: Set Ground Rules: Sometimes girls can get a little unrealistic on how much will be spent on them and where they get to go shopping. Setting up ground rules first will eliminate those future fights in the store when she is asking for more and more. Or why aren’t we going there? Then they just shut down and the parent is now angry they are not grateful. First thing set your budget. When taking a preteen on a shopping trip, it is important to set a budget and let her know how much is available to spend. As each prospective purchase is considered, let the preteen figure out how that purchase will affect her shopping budget.
Concern Loosing my daughter: About The Experience: A mother-daughter shopping trip is intended to be fun. Keeping it lighthearted and relinquishing control of spending to the preteen will help make the mother-daughter shopping trip successful. Also going in with a open mind as a parent and being more prepared with the above suggestions will really help your being open minded. Also for the daughter helping her remember that you love her no matter what her style is, is so important. Building up her confidence is the most important thing for a youth her finding herself moments growing up. Feeling excepted and love coming from her parents really can change things dramatically. She gets enough trying to “fit in” moments at school so it’s really important to feel like parents expect her first. The home builds up that confidence that will really help your daughter be a leader with her fashion and not a follower. So that is so important. Also make it a day of shopping, not just fitting her in your schedule. Take her to lunch, nails and hair done, and then shopping. This will make it more about spending that time together and really let everything be about the time and not feeling rushed. You both will be in a better mood. So really start building confidence in your youth by making her feel like she can feel loved in any style she wants to try at that moment. Enjoy these days because they are gone so fast.
This is me and my Daughter Happy Shopping Moments. Check out some:
We both love to shop. Above you can see we love to play around and be goofy and try crazy stuff on. Like my daughter trying on those fun glasses at Claire’s accessories. Just have fun. She takes photos of me and I take some of her and we just laugh all the time. I love her and remember try to listen to them because they really just want to feel accepted. If you ever have any other questions please ask or comment below. Happy Shopping.
You can check out my new post every Sunday under Sunday Style! It’s so fun and will give you and your daughter some fun more fresh Mod looks that can inspire some coverage. First post will be this Sunday so make sure you are subscribed to my blog up at the top right enter your email.
If you or anyone want to set up a Find Your Style Seminar for youth just email me and I can come out and help the youth find out their own personal style through confidence. Help give ideas and how to start this journey. This is free of charge I do this because I think it is so important and I love to help others who are struggling with these issues of not fitting in or understanding how to find their style.